Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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