I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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