Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
