She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
