I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
