Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
