the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
