thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
