Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So much rum. So many feels.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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