She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
