apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
