Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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