i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
