Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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