That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
