I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
