So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
