***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
