I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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