I hate all girls vehemently.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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