I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Found the puke drawer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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