Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
