He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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