He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
