I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
