i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
