Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
