I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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