I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
