Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
