There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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