Can i not drive my cunt home
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
