so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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