I wish my penis had an off switch
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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