i think my mom watched the whole time
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
