Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
