Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
