my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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