if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I fill condoms, not promises.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
