dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
