You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Are we still banned from the library?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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