Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
