I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
