Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He felt like a one man threesome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
