your room smells of hookers.
And success
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
