My room smells like vodka and shame
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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