youre lurking in front of me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
