Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
