how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Drunk is a universal language darling
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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