Jerry, you need to find god
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
