Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
